12/26/2023
Official Statement
This morning, the IFB (International Foosbooze Board), published the following statement:
Due to the current circumstances, foosbooze player Fernando has been stripped of the Thompson trophy, effective immediately.
A Champion on the Run?
Fernando won the last tournament and has seemingly decided not to partake in this year’s tournament. Some foosbooze players think he’s ran away with the trophy, never to return.
“He’s scared,” said former champion, JC. “There really isn’t anything other than that. He finally wins a championship again after more than a decade and he doesn’t come to defend it? Scurred.”
Other foosbooze players had the same reaction. “Fernando ran away because he was scared,” stated OG foosbooze player, Gus, who finished 7th in last year’s tournament. Agustin, this year’s 2nd seed* said some of the same: “Frankly, I think Fernando is scared of the [Bad] brothers 👀.”
His brother, Ricky, three time champ and the player with the highest winning percentage in the sport, had even harsher words: “Fernando’s actions are a disgrace. He got his little mini me to do his bidding last year… he’s lucky he didn’t get to face me. Need I remind you he s**t’s himself every time he plays me? Skipping town with the league’s trophy was a new low… I guess we have to wait til 2024 to rectify his actions.”
Ricky is alluding to Fernando’s brother, François, who made his foosbooze tournament debut last year. As a rookie, he gave Ricky his 2nd ever defeat, on the way to a 5th place finish.
Ricky finished his interview with the following: “Also, JC is a little bitch… just putting it out there…”
“Ricky is just trying to get in my head,” responded JC. “We’ve had some close games in the past. Last year’s big loss was an anomaly, won’t happen again. But I do need a win against him. No excuses.”
[*Agustin finished 4th last year, but due to seeds 1 and 2 declining to participate this year, he will be the 2nd seed in Tournament 11.]
Other Missing Participants
This year’s tournament will only feature 5 players, as many players have declined their invitations to participate. “[Fernando]’s not the only one that scared away this year. Some players are more committed to foosbooze than others,” said Gus. Some of the players have legitimate reasons for missing this tournament, but others’ reasons are a bit more doubtful…
“Dante can’t handle the heat. Running away from the kitchen,” stated Gus once he was told that foosbooze player Dante, the worst player in the history of the sport, had declined his invitation due to “working” the next day.
“Stop being a lil b***h and call out sick the next day!” exclaimed foosbooze player, Pedro, who before Dante’s debut last year, held the [dis]honor of being the worst foosbooze player ever.
There are rumors Dante will be present at the tournament, strictly to talk smack, and try to get beneath some player’s skin.
New Year, New Technology, Same Aspirations
While no players will be making a debut this year, something will be. This will be the first tournament to feature video replay, in order to keep the game fair and avoid the arguments that have come up in the past.
“This year I’m looking forward to the evolution of the game with VAR. Every participant this year is a returning player. We’ll have a good range of skills for a dynamic tournament,” said Gus. He continued, “this year we’ll only have two OG players in the tournament, so we’ll have to work harder to bring the Thompson trophy back home.”
Agustin was more direct. “I’ve proven time and time again that NOBODY takes more shots than me… but now it is time to start focusing more on dubs and handing shots 😤.” He concluded his interview with: “Ya’ll ain’t ready to face the beard.”
Meanwhile, Pedro took had a more, “chill,” declaration. When asked about how he felt coming into this tournament, he said, “I feel about the same as last time. Have not prepared in any way except for shotgunning beers, I know I’ll probably have to do it again. Last time I played foosball was at the last tournament.” He then ended with, “I’m just here for the friends and beer. The less points I score the drunker I get!”
Best of luck to all!